Rachael Kilgour is a contemporary folk artist who’s music brings life to its listeners. But this guest blog is not about her fun and folky music, it is about something that is extremely relevant in today’s culture, society, and legislature: Prop. 8 and her anticipation for the future of this country. Read below Kilgour’s thought’s on the debacle legislature is currently going through, how it will affect life (for the better), and how this will guide the young children and adults of America to focus not on the plain in sight, but on the deeper meaning and good for each other.
Last week the marriage debate climbed it’s way to the top. The Supreme Court is in the process of hearing two cases that challenge the constitutionality of Proposition 8 and the so-called Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). This is a very, very big deal. As a lesbian woman, I am hopeful that the decisions made on these cases will lead to the federal legalization of same-sex marriage.
As my wife and I prepare ourselves for the possibility of a legally recognized marriage, we feel grateful for the five years we have had together up until this point. For equality’s sake, it seems that all couples should have the right to a five-year practice marriage. It’s just enough time to work out the kinks, get bored, lose your sex drive, think about divorce, fall in love again and determine if you really can live with the mouth-breathing for another 72 years.
We are a society of instant-gratification. Need some green shoes to go with that outfit? Buy them. Need a recipe for gluten-free muffins? Google it. Need to lose weight? Meal replacement. Better yet, cut it off. Need to know where your kid is at all times? Buy them a cell phone. Need someone to love you? Marry them. Get exactly what you want right when you want it. But then what happens when the fulfillment wears off? If we are addicted to change, are we capable of making a lifelong commitment?
Perhaps it is time we focus on the maturity level, mental health and compatibility of couples instead of their genitalia. What if we put energy into guiding our young people into healthy relationships, and once they’re in them, how about supporting them to stay in love and get through the tough years? If we were to kick off marriage reform through legislation, I say we raise the legal consent-to-marry age, require a year of intense pre-marital counseling, and enforce a no-strings-attached trial marriage. Make ‘em fight for it.
But legislation all too often feels like an infringement on personal freedom. Instead of starting with the government, I suppose this shift needs to start in the home and beyond that, in the media our children consume everyday. We should be teaching our youth to really know and love themselves before ever considering something as permanent and life-altering as marriage. We should be modeling respectful relationships. We should be loving and supporting and even arguing with our children in a way that we hope their future spouses will do. Then when you’re little boy marries the love of his life, you can rest at ease knowing he is ready and so is the husband he’s chosen for himself.
I am blessed to have a second chance at marriage. I was far too young the first time around to know how difficult and rewarding it could be. When same-sex marriage becomes legal in all 50 states I’m getting married, for real, to my wife. And this time I’m going in with my eyes wide open.
